What is Fate?

“I do not believe in fate that falls on men however they act, but i believe in a fate that falls on men unless they act.” –Buddha

“Good things come to those who wait. work hard for it.


I was talking to a good friend of mine over Skype and somehow, the topic bout fate came into light. And somehow, it just hit me hard. Fate is a topic that’s clearly not hot.

It’s a topic whereby many people overlook, misunderstand or even neglect. At least that’s how i feel. Don’t you think so?

In the society i live in, many people tend to preach sayings like “If it’s meant to be, it will be”, or “if there’s fate, eventually, you’ll cross paths again.” or something along the lines – you get what i mean. But what the society doesn’t tell you is that, without effort, you wont go anywhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s fate or not, you still need effort. How do you expect yourself to get the things you want without working for it, right?

What’s the point of waiting for the one you’re fated to be with if you’re not going out to search for your fate?

What’s the point of hoping to cross paths with fate if you’re not even willing to walk that path?

What’s the point of waiting for the ‘good thing’ if you don’t work hard for it?

Do you see where i’m going?

I don’t believe in fate. I only believe in effort. For example, if you want someone to stay in your life, you’d put in effort & give or show reasons why that person should stay in your life instead of just doing as you please thinking that fate will get you where you deserve to be.

Fate doesn’t bring you where you want to be, it brings you to where you deserve to be. If you’re not going to work hard for the things you want, then you don’t deserve the things you want. If you’re going to put in effort for the things you want, then by all means, you deserve it or maybe even better, you’ll get things in life that are better than the things you want.

All i’m tryna say is that, there’s no point believing in fate if you’re not going to do anything about it. You could be a lawyer like you’ve always dreamed of being, but you’re not gonna be one if you’re not planning to work hard for it. You could have a loving girlfriend but she’s not gonna stay if you’re not gonna prove to her you’re worth her time.  You could be happy but you won’t be if you’re gonna hold on to the things that’s bringing you down.

“Oh, it’s ok, it’s just not fate.” This is the most extremely, stupidly, cowardly excuse to give when you can’t get the things you want. Fate isn’t the reason why you got bad grades. Fate isn’t the reason why she left you. Fate isn’t the reason why you can’t do things. Fate is the reason why you put in effort, if you even do. It’s the outcome of all the effort you put in into your very own life. You can’t get the things you want in life because you clearly don’t deserve it. If you want to go against me and say “your time to shine will come” then sure, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But i just wanna ask, how long are you gonna wait for that time to come for you to shine? You can work hard & shine sooner but are you willing to work hard for it. Is that what you want?

You are what you choose to be, fate doesn’t choose your life outcomes.

You’re given a choice, no one is ever forced to do something. If you really want something, surely you’ll work hard for it. If there’s a will, there’s always a way. If you ever think that you have got no choice, ask yourself, what’s stopping you? The law? The authorities? Your responsibilities?

No one’s stopping you. If you think about it, you’re the only person that’s stopping yourself. And blaming fate is definitely out of the topic.

The moment you doubt yourself before a battle, you’ve already lost it.

It’s entirely up to you what you define as fate. But here’s my take on it.

Fate is the outcome of your life choices & efforts. It is not something that befalls upon you no matter what you do, but it is something that happens because you deserve it – be it good or bad.

So what exactly is fate to you?

Let’s put it this way;

I want to be _____ and the only way i can do that is to start small. My first step is going to be ________________________.

Here’s what i want. I want to touch hearts of people around me & the only way i can do that is to start small. My first step is going to be to spread positivity.

Start with yourself. 🙂

xo, ainf.

2015 Highlights

2015 is like the climax of my life. I went into a new school, met loads of new people, continued my passion, learned many new things & most definitely lost and created friendships.

It is a disappointment that i am no longer bestfriends with the girl i trusted most but i definitely enjoyed every single moment i had with her. She was a loving and carefree girl. Unfortunately, the friendship remains in 2015. It saddens me that we’re no longer close but i am glad that we do not hate each other. And i can’t complain because i learned a lot this year.

What have i learned? Well, most definitely, expect the unexpected. Sometimes, what we least expect turns out to be reality and we’re never prepared to face it. So do not set high expectations for you’ll only end up disappointing yourself.

Nonetheless, i also had a lot of happy moments this year. I made a lot of new friends ever since i entered TP. Through dance, mostly. Had lots of opportunities to explore my capabilities, push my limits and definitely see the world in a different angle.

The most memorable moments of 2015 can only be described in a picture. I can’t show my happiness in words but a smile. Here are some of my most happiest moments i’ve had this year so far.

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Meeting Avenged Sevenfol has been one of my dreams so far and i finally did it in January 2015. Never going to forget this moment!

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Meeting dancers from TPDE is one of my never-gonna-regret moments in my life. Can never meet anyone like them – ever.

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Having my friends by my side still, is the one thing that i will always have in my heart. Especially Dexter and Shahil.

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My first performance as a TPDE dancer was definitely one of my highlights in 2015. 

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Don’t be confused, i thought i can only find a Melon Pan (Melon Bun) in Japan, THEY HAD IT IN SINGAPORE TOO AT A JAPAN FAIR! I’ve been dying to try this after seeing it in animes.

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Dropping my phone from 5th floor – YUP.

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Having one of the nicest and coziest bubble bath – of course. 

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Not forgetting the time Yu Cheng and Ten pushing me around on a wheelbarrow we found under a tree whilst having a BBQ. We had so much fun & it was super tirinng if you can’t tell already by the blurry picture. Lol!

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Meeting Mifzal, my classmate, my dancemate, my partner-in-crime. He’s helped me through tough times and i will never regret having this friendship i share with him.

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Watching Arsenal’s match live was definitely unforgettable. I get to see the man of my dreams, Giroud and Ozil!!

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Making my parents smile on my birthday by getting them ice cream and flowers as an appreciation gift. It made my day. 🙂

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This little girl right here approached me in the midst of a donation drive i was doing and handed me a drawing. We had small talk and i got to know she has no father and her mom is constantly out of home. She lives with her grandmother. She also shared a love for Disney like i do so i handed her my Frozen hand sanitizer. Knowing that i made her day, made my day too. Will never forget her smile.

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Going to an island just like this has always been my dream! I finally did it. Yippee!

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And saving the best for the last, my most special and unforgettable memory of 2015. My ex-boyfriend from years back is now my boyfriend. I will never regret talking to him again this year, he has never made me smile as mush as i usually do. Even just by thinking about him. You have no clue how much i love you, Zuhair. He is definitely my inciting incident. The man i love most – apart from my dad & bros of course.

And those are the few of the many unforgettable memories i’ve had this year. To many more special and happy times in the future! Happy New Year, happy people. Never forget to smile more, be positve, have courage and be kind. Spreading out love,

xo, ainf.

Love 4 Dance Camp – O School

L4D Camp is an annual 2-day event organised by O School for dancers throughout Singapore and lucky for me, this year, i was one of the many dancers who attended the event. This year, it is held at Singapore Polytechnic.

Day 1

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I, along with other members of TPDE, took the train all the way to Dover from Tampines early in the morning at 8 a.m. and arrived just in time for the camp. We were separated into groups but lucky for me, i was with Fara, Teesha, Val and Bev. We were introduced to other dancers from different colleges & universities – ITE, Singapore Poly, Republic Poly, Nanyang Poly and even Singapore’s Management University.

For the first half an hour, we played several ice-breaking games and we appointed Elfy, a year 3 SDZ dancer from our group, to become our group leader. He’s a very experienced dancer which i envy, of course.

Next, we had a masterclass planned out for us. The first masterclass for that day was a locking class. I enjoyed myself of course. Since Fandi, Val & I had attended locking workshops together, we had several yeahhh moments. It was fun! Then we had an hour break which we ate at kfc. Can you believe it, SP has KFC, Starbucks, McDonald, Frank by OCBC & many more! Step up your game, TP!

After our break, we had 3 more masterclasses planned out for us. We had hip-hop, street jazz then contemporary. Hip-hop was taught by Zaihar – the man whose groove is the most grooviest of them grooves! He’s so dope and cool, i wish to dance like him one day, or better! He, along with Haikal, makes every female dancer swoon!! The choreography taught by him was super chill & dope. He’s such a cool guy! Then we had Street Jazz taught by Fredy Kosman – a dancer who’s currently competing in The Dance Floor on Channel 5 (his group is standing in top 6 now!). He, let me just say this, is sexier than any woman out there. He’s also super funny! Sadly, this genre is just not meant for me. I can do the choreography just like everyone else, but i can’t feel my heart & soul while dancing that genre. It’s not cut out for me. I guess i’m too awkward and not sexy enough. lols! Everyone said Street Jazz was so much easier compared to Contemporary – which for me, is the opposite. Contemporary was taught by Ryan, a judge for The Dance Floor. He’s also super funny! He gave us a lot of constructive feedback. And honestly, i’ve never put my soul as much as i put when i perform contemporary. I feel so free, letting out my soft feelings through dance. I love contemporary. But i’m going to focus on hip-hop. Letting the inner gangster out!

Day 2

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Day 2 started, we had a race to start off our day and then we had a 10-min break. We had only one masterclass that day, K-Pop. Honestly expected it to be really shitty because i’m really not a fan of k-pop but it was actually kinda cool. It was taught by Ahlee, she too, i envy a lot. She dances like nobody’s watching, even that is an understatement. She’s super dope and cool! Love her! Then we had a showcase. My group – honestly – was the coolest. We drew the lot and were told to perform hip-hop, which is our main genre. So it was to our advantage. The formation & extras were planned by Elfy, our group leader. It was so cool! We got it recorded and if there’s a link, i’ll definitely put it up here! We had a lot of fun and this shall be one of the many memories that i’ll never forget.

xo, ainf.

 

“I give up.”

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things just don’t go our way. And what makes me smile are the people who still find happiness in every direction. Unfortunately though, people are so open to giving up that they don’t even bother to try before saying ‘i give up’.
It saddens me, really. Everyone expects life to be a joyride. Truthfully, it can be. But these people chose the tough route.
It’s simple. Instead of pointing out the negative outcomes, just look out for the positive and think of what could possibly happen if everything was just positive. Of course at times things aren’t meant to be but there’s definitely something better waiting for us. See what i did there? If you don’t then i guess you’re one of those people who needs a little boost.
I admit, i can be very negative at times but that’s because it does get tiring when you’ve been keeping a positive attitude the whole day, trying to spread as much positivity as you can. It’s alright, it’s normal to feel negative once in awhile.
But if at this age, you people are already giving up on life then i’m sorry, you’re just dumb.
You have a lot to explore and yet you chose to end things here and now.
Put yourself in the shoes of others. What do you think you’d feel if you see others giving up on life just like that without even trying?
Honestly, i feel that you people need to educate yourselves more on how important it is to be positive. 
But lets be real. If you can’t handle a single, tiny, non-life threatening issue and you’re already giving up, then you’re fucking dumb. Get a hold of yourself and snap out of it. Be aware of what the fuck you’re saying. Before you fucking talk, think.
“I give up.”
Have you seen what your parents did behind your back just for your comfort and happiness?
Did you notice the little things your friends do for you that makes you break out into laughter?
Are you aware that your lame jokes make others laugh?
All the things you’ve done for the person you love, are you sincere doing that?
And when the person you love tries their best to make you smile and fail to do so, are you aware of that?
Aren’t you thankful for what everyone has done to you?
Don’t you feel good making people laugh and smile?
Are you even aware of all the beautiful things that your two little eyes are making you not see?
Yeah, i’m talking to you, honey.
Your eyes are so blinded by the ugly & fucked up situations you’ve been through, you forgot to look at the other side.
You’ve been through so much and yet you dare to say;
“I give up.”
The most overrated, misused, mistreated sentence.
And before you find a reason to counter what i just said, maybe stop for a second and just think. All the situations, whereby you punched the walls of your rooms, eat the misery away, cry yourself to sleep and pull your hair out of your roots, whatever the situation is i don’t give 2 fucks, did you ever look back and think; “Wow i’m just so grateful to have…”?
And for a start, shouldn’t you be grateful to be alive?
xo, ainf.

Ice Cream Skool Cafe

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Located at Tampines St 42, a neighborhood nearby with an extremely small but cozy interior. Ice Cream Skool is its name. It may not look inviting from the outside but once you step in, you’ll never want to leave. It’s super comfortable, good place to have a read, maybe do your school work there with a scoop of ice cream to keep you company, a good place to have a catch-up sesh with a childhood friend of yours and all that good stuff.

They serve a range of different flavors of ice cream such as Milo which tastes like childhood – trust me on this, nostalgic feels will hit you hard once you try it – and there’s cotton candy, peanut butter, cookies and cream, all sorts of flavors! They also serve waffles to go with your ice cream. They also have a photobooth located opposite the ice cream counter. Adorable props provided, cool background and they’ll also give polaroid shots for free!

Couple of days ago, i visited this cafee with a good friend of mine to just have a chat. I got a plain waffle with a scoop of peanut butter ice cream and milo ice cream. It was delicious, they served the waffle hot with a drizzle of syrup and the two scoops of ice cream on the top. My friend, Shahil, got a scoop of his favorite, cookies and cream ice cream!

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If that doesn’t make you crave for ice cream then you’re probably really weird. It’s pleasant and appetizing, the waffle is crunchy but not too crunchy and did i mention? They serve chilled water for free too!

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With nice music playing in the background, the smell of syrup and waffles served with ice cream on the side and good company, i have to admit i had a great, cozy evening with Shahil! The cafe certainly gave me a warm and homely feel plus the atmosphere in the cafe made me want to stay longer! I’d rate it a 4 out of 5. Definitely a must visit. The price is also affordable ranging from $3++!

Nonetheless, go check it out if you’re nearby!

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ainf.

Dance.

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I’ve always loved dancing! It’s a sport, a hobby, a pastime, a stress reliever, it is whatever you think it is. To me, dancing is something i do to distract myself from the stress i get, it’s also something i do to express my feelings and it’s basically a form of exercise to me since i don’t workout… at all. lol.

To many people, dancing probably doesnt mean shit to you but to the dancers themselves, dancing is putting your emotions into your limbs and body. It’s like painting on a canvas. And the price of your masterpiece is the amount of effort you put into dancing and the amount of emotions you express through dancing.

When did i start dancing?

I started at an early age. My mom tells me all sorts of stories about me dancing when i was as little as 5 years old! I would dance and sing along to HI-5, Winx Club, Bratz, Barbie movies and sometimes even MTV! (The old, classic MTV had a bunch of top hits, i dont know what happened to MTV now. And yes, i started watching MTV at age 5 years old. Don’t judge me.)

I was told that i used to wear my pink ballerina dress with frills and spandex corset and do pirouettes around the house as i listen to classic tunes. I used to dance and record myself pretending to be Gabriella from High School Musical along with my cousins and at times, i’d do it alone because what are friends? JK. It was embarrassing but i had a lot of fun growing up and dancing.

I joined drama club and traditional malay dance in Primary school and explored my capabilities further more in Secondary school by joining Dance Dynamics – which is basically hip-hop/locking/lyrical/LA Style but i quit soon after because the club got out of hand – and joined drama club. I had a passion for Performing arts and dancing and acting had to be my two favourite. I attempted joining acapella too, i got inspired by Pentatonix and it was so good. I joined the A Capella Society for a month then stopped because my national exams was around the corner.

Now i’m in Temasek Polytechnic and i managed to join Temasek Poly’s Dance Ensemble. In general, it’s a dance club with 3 genres – Hip-Hop, BBoy and Modern. Out of the 400 who auditioned, i was one of the 70+ people who managed to get selected. Currently, i’m exploring my dance knowledge so i’m working on hip-hop(of course), locking, popping and street jazz. I’m also going for Street Jazz classes outside of school!

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What inspires me?

My seniors inspire me, those who can dance a lot of genres, Ditto and everything else! I want to be a pro in dancing. I want to inspire people with dancing. I get inspired by other dancers so i can inspire other beginner dancers. It’s a complicated concept but i’m learning!

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Ups and Downs.

I’ve had a lot of tough times throughout this dancing passion of mine. It’s a really big commitment and you have to have a lot of responsibility. Sacrifice a little here and there, take a lot of risks. It’s also a very time-consuming and tiring. It will be all worth it!

On the bright side, i’ve managed to improve as i explore my dancing shoes. I’ve made new friends along the way and i’ve had people tell me i’m more groovy than the people who actually have professional experience! It’s a good feeling. 

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Goals.

I intend to further explore other genres so i’m slowly learning genres i never thought i’d do such as modern and bboy! I want to get myself recognised and perhaps add dance videos onto YouTube! But it will not be anytime soon. I’m working on it though! As for now, i’m exploring the dance community and perhaps in the future, i’ll be choreographing for people!

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ainf.

Universal Studios Singapore – Halloween Horror Night 5

Saturday, 3rd October

5 P.M.

I met up with the usual people i hangout with in Secondary school. Beverly, Shahil, Nazlyn and Dextre. So there was a total of 5 of us. We took bus 10 to Vivo City from Tampines interchange, it was a long journey but a fun one. Me and Shahil sat at thee back, Beverly and Dexter sat in front of us followed by Nazlyn. We all had our earpieces plugged into our ears and we were listening to some music. Except, we were a little excited so we were just singing aloud and jammin’ to the songs played. We had a great laugh – one of my unforgettable moments with the bunch too. 🙂

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Exhausted from all the lip syncing to Beyonce’s hit, Listen. 😛 Did i also mentioned we went for a B&W outfit theme?!

6:30 P.M.

We arrived at our destination and took bus RWS8 from the bus stop we alighted from and it took us at least 20 mins to get there. When we arrived, all we could see was tourists bustling in and out of the casino, people taking photographs at the iconic Universal globe with mist everywhere. It was a lovely sight, knowing that i will have a good day. People were queuing to get their faces painted, express passes and of course to get into the amusement park itself. And of course, we had to get the express pass!

IMG_5375[1]In the bus on the way to Resorts World Sentosa!

7:45 P.M.

We were already inside the park, waiting for the grand opening. A gust of mist exploded ahead of us, as the crowd waited for gates to open. A man in a lab suit stood in the middle of the pathway, greeting us with fear. Stuntmen appeared at the back of us as fog cleared it’s way. It was a sdcary sight but amusing to because we got to see stuntmen in spooky costumes abseil their way down the retro buildings and jump off a great height. It was entertaining. As the gates opened everyone patiently made their way into the amusement park. We went for the haunted house first.

The first haunted house is always the scariest because we really didn’t know what to expect. This haunted house was themed after the legendary, spooky, block 50 in Singapore. (Not sure what was it though.) Dexter took the lead, then Beverly, Nazlyn, myself and Shahil. We all held each others hands. All of us were filled with excitement. We had wide smiles on our faces, it was an unforgettable moment. I remember hearing screams and laughter in the haunted house, i squeezed Nazlyn and Shahil’s hands out of fear and i also remember Shahil running ahead of me because a ghost was running after him. It was hilarious and super fun!

Later, we moved on and saw another haunted house, a zombie-themed haunted house but it was crowded so we decided to move on with the next one first. The next segment of the amusement park was a sci-fi themed. There were alien-like mascots on stilts, it was cool to me! It reminded me of a dream i had about fighting zombies! We took several photos with the mascots and only these two pictures turned out decent. The laser lights at the back was a good addition to the atmosphere too!

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After taking photos, we walked further down and reached the Transformer section. Although the Transformer ride wasn’t that much of a thriller, we decided to go for it because… why not? It was a short ride and soon after, we took a break, bought ourselves a bottle of Coca – Cola to freshen up and hydrate ourselves.

Not far from where we were was the two big rollercoaster rides, the Cylon and Human rides! Basically, it’s the main reason why people go to USS! What more, it’s in the dark! We took the Cylon ride first. We put away our bags in a locker nearby and queued in line. The moment i sat in the coaster ride, i immediately feel like i’m gonna have a muscle ache on my cheek for laughing and smiling too much. I knew it was gonna be one hell of a ride. It was first time so i sat next to Shahil – my good pal.

Then, the ride begun. The rattling of the chains of the roller coaster track rang in my ears, the riders behind us were cheering on, and then the roller coaster sped up. My head threw back, my hair went flying in all directions and i could barely feel my face. I couldn’t scream because it was so fast i just couldn’t catch up! My stomach literally went up my throat. (Use literally when youre actually being literal. lmao.) I had to grab Shahil’s hand in the midst of the ride because we both were scared shitless.

In less than 2 minutes, we were already walking out of the attraction. It was a fast one yet thrilling. Next, we went to the mummy ride! The express queue, however, is taking a long time so we decided to take the fast lane. We entered the universal attraction queue and ran as fast as we can, parkour-ed over a crate, ran in circles and went down under the rope fences and then eventually, we’re at the very front of the express pass queue. We haven’t gotten into the ride and we’re already having our own fun! When we actually got into the ride, we knew every word, every turn and every moment this ride will bring us. We knew this ride so well, we actually memorised the ride. When the time comes, we decided to put on a straight face for the camera. And boy, did we pull it off! Hahaha. Read More

Why?

It disgusts me. Why are people all over the world so against Muslims? What have we done to racist mother fuckers till our whole religion is to be blamed?

You can be catholic, buddhist, arabic or which ever religion you are and it shouldn’t be a problem but why is it that when someone is muslim, it becomes a big deal?

Yes, it’s Osama’s fault that many innocent people aren’t alive. But why is it that the muslims are to be blamed? Even up till now? Did the present muslims taught Osama to be that way? Did the present muslims even know why people are so against muslims? Honestly, i don’t know myself.

Why is it when Hitler or Stalin killed many innocent people and that’s not so big of a deal? Why hasnt it caught the medias’ attention? Because he isnt muslim, so it’s fine? Bullshit. Osama didnt deserve to be muslim. He has showed NO respect to his own religion itself. But that doesnt mean the whole Muslim Community deserves to be discriminated.

A white american man can be muslim.
An african-american man can be muslim.
A lady not donning the hijab can be muslim.
An innocent newborn baby can be muslim.

So what makes us dangerous and hideous people?

A lady wearing a scarf around the head can be christian.
A man with a long beard can be a freethinker.
An innocent newborn baby can be buddhist.

And yes, it is fine.

Yes, some Muslims may have disregard their religion, for example, getting tattoos, drinking, committing extremely bad offenses, having a child out of wedlock. But that doesnt mean theyre not human. I’m sure other religions do not encourage these too but some still do so. I, a muslim, too have done really bad things. But either way, we should be punished for our bad behaviors NOT for being muslim or your religion.

Where is the humanity? This world is beautiful, i know it. But what has the world turn into? So many people have been manipulated and brainwashed by egotistical people who are so against Islam. In the media, the papers, protests and even on national television. Where is the respect here? I have friends who are christian, buddhist, arabs, sikh and they all dont discriminate us Muslims.

Why is it necessary to discriminate muslims? Labeling them as terrorists? We do not deserve this. Why is it even okay for people to throw racist comments all over the internet and on the streets?

If i could just ask one question and one favor from all the anti-muslim people, what has gotten into you people? Please, have some faith in humanity. What were you thinking? I feel extremely offended and discriminated knowing that people of my religion are badly abused just because they’re muslim.

We are all humans, our religion doesn’t define us, we are who we want to be. the topic on Muslims shouldnt even be a negative topic.

I’m a muslim, i do not wear the hijab daily, i’m a student, i have feelings and i have a family – just like any of you out there. AND I CLEARLY DO NOT GO AROUNG BOMBING PEOPLE THAT’S JUST GRUESOME.

xo, ainf.


PS, i apologize if i have offended any of you. Islam is a beautiful religion. Do not be manipulated by the media.

Being Positive

Go ahead, try it out, one day without saying anything negative. Trust me, that day will be better than any normal day.

It has helped me a lot and i’m as positive as ever, now.

Being extremely negative is one of my biggest pet peeves apart from people who pretend to know what love is, extremely unhygienic people and people who have really bad grammar.

If you’re going to think that everything is against you and you’ll never be happy well then you’re right. With that kind of mindset, obviously, you’ll never go far and you’ll never be happy.

Everyone on Earth deserves to be happy.

But if you’re going to think that life is all about being sad and depressed then honestly, you should jump off a tall building.

But before you jump off a tall building, hear me out.

This goes out to all you depressed, sad, suicidal people. Or generally, people who are constantly negative.

If you’re gonna assume that people around you are monsters and they’re killing you, against you and all that crap then you’re clearly in the wrong. Yes this world may be cruel and ruthless, yes this world can be pretty fucking mean, but have you seen the whole world yet? Tell yourself this, does it make sense if god sent you to earth to only see you suffer? Does it make sense if youre perfect but you’re never happy? If your answer is yes then sign yourself up at a mental hospital.

I honestly believe that everyone is perfect. Everyone is perfect because they’re created to be just like themselves and unlike anyone else. We’re created to be made like no one else but ourselves. There is no perfect and ideal person of course, everyone has their different views of a perfect person but that’s a whole other thing.

In addition, if you’re depressed, heartbroken and all that because of a particular person for example a girlfriend or a boyfriend, then lets be honest, you’re wasting your time. Unless the other person is just as upset as you, then u should be happy.

I apologize if i offended any of you. But i can’t help it, if youre going to be negative all your life then you have no reason to live. You are created to smile and be happy. You are not created to feel upset all your life. You deserve to smile.

No, that group of guys who just walked past you and are laughing isnt laughing at you.

No, your appearance is not the reason why no one seems to accept you.

No, youre never too ugly for anything.

No, you’re not useless.

No, you don’t deserve to be sad.

Laugh along with the group of guys who were laughing after they walked past you. Find out why people arent accepting you if it’s not for your appearance it’s obviously for your attitude. Appearance will never be the reason why you’re not good enough to do a particular thing. If you think you’re useless, make yourself useful. And if you’ve tried, keep trying. Smile. Because you know you can. Because you know you deserve to smile.

I have been very negative before. I have to be very honest here, i’ve cut my wrists, I’ve cried my heart out over little things, i’ve called myself useless and i get very insecure. But did that make me happy? Did that make me smile?

It did not.

So i stopped the cutting, i told myself, if i’m ever ugly, why would i smile in pictures? If i was useless, why do people thank me? Why am i crying when i got all the muscles on my face to smile?

I smiled. And i will not stop smiling. I don’t care if a thousand people told me i’m ugly, i’m useless, i’m horrible, throw abusive comments at me. What could they possibly do? And if they really did, that doesnt mean i lost all my muscles to smile, right? That doesnt mean the whole world is against me, right? Even if i’m at my lowest, i shall not stop smiling.

I believe you should smile too.

If you can smile, you can be happy. Take a break. Not everything you do or people do is negative around you. Accept the negativity, turn it into something positive. The only time you can be negative is, 2 seconds after being negative, you should be saying stuff like “I will get through this!” “I can do it!” “No, i will succeed!”

Trust me, your life would change if you could just stop being so negative.

xo, ainf.

Ps. ask yourself again, is it worth it jumping off a building if you havent seen the beautiful side of Earth yet?

What?

HEY THERE!

It’s been some time since i last blogged. My week has been great so far! Got accepted into college without having to take my O levels which means my results are good enough to skip a year and get into Polytechnic! Woo Hoo!

That aside, i’m feeling sad because i miss Avenged Sevenfold so much!!! Wish i could turn back time and experience it again!

Few weeks ago, my ex, the one from three four years back, snapchat-ed me. Casually, i replied. And now we’re talking on a daily basis. I dont know how to feel about that. He treated me badly when we were 14 but that was years ago, when we were bloomin’ 14, but i took it so seriously, i fought for him. And i had a tough time movin’ on. Now that we’re already 17, we’re talking back, we haven’t got into any relationship since, so i dont really know what to feel. i just moved on from him a year ago i suppose. So now that we’re talking back, him telling me it was stupid of him to ditch a girl who was worth fighting for, abandoning a relationship worth taking seriously, that he was still a boy. I dont know. Do i still love him? I’ve built a barrier around me since the break up and still many bad things happen to me (in terms of relationships). Like my best friend of four years abandoning our friendship, my unsuccessful connections between guys apart from my two best buddies, S and D. I just can’t seem to make new friends anymore or open myself up to new people. I constantly fail despite having a barrier around me to protect myself. Sometimes i ask myself, is it worth building a barrier around myself? What difference does it make? I personally don’t know but for now, i’m keeping this barrier around me.

Maybe one day, i’ll meet someone special in TP! A friend just as good as my bestfriend, whom of which i could get along with, or maybe a guy i’d finally have a crush on. 😊

xo,ainf.