okay hear me out guys. I went to the freaking concert. A7x!!!!

I had to attend an award ceremony for being in the top 25% in terms of academic and it so happened to be the same timing as the concert. But i decided well fuck the award show. Let’s go to the flippin’ concert! 

My close buddy, Z, was already queueing since 11am, i think, and he was the first few people in the line. Thank god. So i met them at around 4pm? And waited in line. I was so excited for the concert i totally forgot to have breakfast and lunch. My tummy was empty as heck. So i got myself a bottle of coca cola to keep me energized throughout the show. So then i waited anxiously in line. 

2 hours later, everyone ahead of us started standing up. 

I was soooooo excited i was smiling to myself. The other fans at the back were chanting SEVENFOLD! SEVENFOLD! SEVENFOLD! And of course i joined in. I was the first few who were at the front, directly in front the drums. 

We waited for an hour for everyone to quickly take their stand, everyone was preparing their phones anxiously waiting to record the moment M Shadows greet us hello again Singapore! And Synyster Gates strum his beautiful black guitar, Zacky Vengeance and Johnny Christ waving and tuning their guitars and of course the (not so) new band member, Arin Ilijay hit the drums-there was at least 20 drums in the set.

The moment the laser lights shone, everyone in the middle of the crowd started moving away from the centre. A moshpit was about to begin. I have to be honest the mosh pit wasnt fun because im not in the centre, being at the barrier was torture, everyone was pushing from the back, my ribcage was close tight against the barrier, the girls behind me were screaming their butts off, that one girl who’s too possessive literally pushing everyone to get in front, im not kidding she literally tried to get over the barriers. Being the shortest there, i knew i was gonna get sandwiched by the other fans, and unfortunately i fainted in the midst of the mosh pit because i could barely get any air. I managed to still get a grip of my phone – still recording – as the body guards pulled me out, my legs wobbled and i was panting for air.

I was carried to the first aid section and was given a bottle of water. I had a rest for 10 mins or so but i couldnt help it. I couldnt help not jamming to my favourite rock-metal band. I told myself to get a grip and get back into the crowd. I helped a few of the fans who themselves got squashed in the crowd, i helped them by passing them water and giving them seats. Then when all was good, i got back into the crowd. I stood at the edge next to the stage and DOPED to Chapter Four, Seize The Day, Nightmare, Almost Easy, This Means War, Afterlife and moooooore. I recorded so many videos i had to delete all of the apps on my iPhone 5C. 

I knew i shouldve gotten a 24gb iPhone 5C instead for situations like this hahaha.

It was a good hour more or less till they said their goodbyes but we didnt leave. The crowd had their hands up high showing the classic rock-never-dies handsigns, lit up their lighters, torchlight on, phones up high-still recording-and for god’s sake there’s a dude in a unicorn mask sitting on top of what i assume, his friend’s shoulders. Everyone was chanting “we want more!” “Synyster!” “Sevenfold!” Repeatedly.

And of course, the legendary band appeared once again. 

“You guys want more, aye? This is for Singapore! ONE MORE!” M Shadows said as Arin Ilijay hit his majestic drumset. The boys started playing to A Little Piece of Heaven. The classic!!!! The first song i heard from Avenged Sevenfold! Everyone screamed and cheered! It was such a beautiful and memorable moment i can’t help but to shed a little tear to how every fan helped each other out from the crowd who werent feeling well, how every fan sang along to each and every song and especially how everyone of us were so comfortable with each other we were like bros for a day! It was a sight i never forget when i over looked at the crowd. 

Almost laughed myself to tearrrrrrs! 

Everyone in the crowd sang that line so clearly M shadows couldnt even hear himself sing.

When it was finally over, M Shadows said a few words before tossing pieaces of the band and memories to the crowd. I clearly remembered him say:

Tonight was one of the most unforgettable nights. Everyone was so wild and loud even i couldnt hear myself. Singapore, you were better than ever! You were one of the loudest out of this whole tour. Till next time Singapore!

Oh how much i already miss the concert and how he said it in his raspy but i have to admit, sexy voice.

After M Shadows said that, he, along with Arin, Synyster, Zacky and Johnny were tossing their guitar picks, song sheets, ear pieces, drumsticks and as much as i was dying for Synyster Gates’ guitar pick and Arin Ilijay’s drumsticks, i was extremely glad to be one of the lucky people who managed to get one of their guitar picks! 

Synyster Gates distracted the crowd next to me by throwing a guitar ouck at that area and they were so bust finding for it they did not notice Johnny Christ looking in our directio looking for the lucky one! And of course everyone was distracted so i raised my hands up high hoping Johnny would toss it to me. Oh hell yes he did. He pointed at me giving me that ok-i’m-going-to-toss-it-to-you-catch-it-alright? look then tossed it to me and winked.

Boy was it the best moment of my life.

25th January 2015. I was ecstatic. Happy. Insane. The concert was spectacular. I loved every bit of the concert. It was a day i can never forget. If i ever get a chance to tell the band something, i just wanted to say, A7X, i loved you since i was 12, and i will never stop loving you. Mad respect for Arin for taking over The legendary Revarand. The Rev, you will always be remembered in our hearts. 

xo, ainf.

ps yes i was that close to them. omg right?


: )

Dont be afraid to take a big step. You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps. 

-David Llyod George

The middle child

Are you a middle child? If youre not a middle child then you’ll most probably wont understand what im talking about OR you might feel a bit of what i feel as a middle child. 

Hands up if youre the middle child. It sucks being the middle child. Maybe for you, no, but for me, it sucks big time. My family isnt wealthy and my parents arent university graduates but they certainly have high standards for us. 

Being the middle child sucks because we have to do better than the elder. But for me it makes no difference if i’m the middle child or not because my elder brother gets all the credit and compliments eventhough i do better academically, physically and socially than him. 

Yes i am jealous. Who wouldnt be jealous? I put my 101% into everything i do when it comes to making my parents proud. I’ve been top in class for few years straight, i take part in many activities or performances and i’m still not appreciated for it. My brother plays games all day, lazes around like a fat pig, smells like he havent had a bath for days and does average for his exams but my parents appreciate him more.

Yes, he can cook. Yes, his naturally smart. Yes, he doesnt ask for much. But no, i put in all my effort for a reason, to make mom and dad proud, but what do i get?

My dad says i ask for a lot of things, mom gets annoyed by the sound of my voice, mom thinks i cant cook, my little brother doesnt appreciate my love, dad thinks im irresponsible and that i mix with the bad company, dad isnt proud to have me, dad likes to compare me with my paternal cousins, i dont dare to even look at my dad in the eyes or even sit next to him on the couch.

But what my parents don’t know is that i put in all my effort just to try and make them smile or even just give me a pat in the shoulder and say ‘i’m proud of you.’ I studied day and night to get top in school for my national exams and my dad didnt even congratulate me. I worked long hours to earn money so that i could pay my own bills, so that i dont trouble mom. I didnt eat in school just so that i could save my daily allowance to buy my family gifts on their birthday.

Unfortunately, they dont see my effort. Not even 10% of it.

“You ask for a lot of things.”

“You never appreciate what i do for you.”

“You only care about yourself.”

“He can cook, why cant you?”

“He managed to get all distinctions, why cant you?”

The words i hear almost on a daily basis. What do you expect from a child who doesnt get much love? What do you expect from a child who’s the only girl between her siblings? My parents only give love to my brothers. They only pamper my little brother with hugs and kisses and they only pamper my elder brother with congrats and compliments. What do they pamper me with? They shower me with insults, rude comments and hurtful words.

I can’t cook. Unfortunately, my effort is nothing to them. I pay my own bills because i only care about myself. I get good grades, and do better than my brother but theyre not enough. My dad gave me my own room and complains i’m not responsible enough to keep it tidy. 

Okay before i go on, i just wanted to say i am an extremely independent person. I am not saying this because i am being boastful and big headed it’s because i don’t ask my parents for things such as money unless i really need it and whenever i ask for it i’ll never fail to add on if you dont have money it’s fine i dont really need it it’s not important or it’s ok i’ll find a way to get the money. 

Ok back to where i stopped, well yeah, i used to be pampered with love before my little brother was given birth. Not trying to say that i hate him or whatever. He was a gift to me. I love him so much. I was very close to him when he was so much younger. Now he knows how to cuss and swear and he doesnt appreciate things. He’s just 7 and he doesnt say please or thank you. He used to give me so much love, he hugs me before bed or whenever i leave for school, he laughed when i tickle him, he thanks me for every little thing. Now he just ignores me, he kicks my when i try to tickle him and he doesnt reply whenever i wish him goodnight. But my mom pampers him and now i really get no love from anyone. 

I am going to be honest here, writing this post makes me cry. I’m crying while writing this very post, thinking back about how i used to get so much love from mom and dad. Now i’m awkward with my dad and mom doesnt like it when i talk. Mom and dad compares me with every a-star child. I mean, do your parents ever compare you with other children? All the time right?

Well it all started as being the middle child. I slowly become less important to the family and now, i’m probably considered out of the family.

I want to know this myself. I want to hear opinions from a parent. I want to hear opinions from a middle child. I want to know if is it just me or am i just being naive and paranoid?

What i’m really certain about is that when i grow older, i will never, never ever ever compare my child with another child. I will never treat her/him the way i got treated. And i will never not love her/him.

That’s all folks, just my opinion.

xo, ainf.


New year, new objectives, new school (maybe) !

2014 has been a tough and stressful year for me. I had to take my national exams and thankfully, i did well and scored top 3 in my cohort! It was a stressful process but it was worth it, i guess. Had to stayback in school till night time just to study and all. But i got the grades i wanted thankfully. 🙂

Putting that aside, generally, i met someone. He’s a very nice guy. He thinks like a man except when it comes to girls, he thinks stupidly. We dated for a few weeks. I ended it because i couldnt continue something i didn’t like, right? He makes me feel  beautiful and he reminds me how much he enjoys his day with me or how he misses me every night before i sleep and sometimes while i’m asleep. But i didnt like what we had because everytime when we chat on the phone, it’s always him talking, every time i wanna say something it’s either ‘not important’ or ‘ridiculous’ or ‘not funny’. It’s not about his day or whatever it’s about his past… with his ex girlfriends. he talks to me for hours about his past experience with his ex girlfriends and i’m forced to listen not given a chance to talk too.

He says he misses them, he loves it when she looks him in the eye, she’s beautiful. 

But when we get into a quarrel and i bring that up, i’m at fault because i talked about my ex-bestfriend aka his friend and it was only once.

Usually it’s the girls who blame the guys and the girls is always the winner but i live the opposite life, I’m always to blame and i’m always at wrong.

And he even asked me about marriage. I was 16, he was 20. Okay maybe it might be a big difference. But i didn’t choose to be 16 and he didn’t think it was a problem. His brother (not blood) thought it was fine, his guy friends thought it was fine, except his girl friend, i know her too, she said choose someone your age. She’s one year older than me. But now, it’s been nearly 6 months since and she’s contacting him. So what difference does one year make?

Whatever it is i am over it. Over. It. 

I’ve never had a relationship for four years already and i’m not ready for it. But yes, i admit it. I miss him. I miss the guy i dated four years ago. i sti miss him now. Just a little. Maybe i just miss the thrill of having a date. Someone who cares and love you. Maybe i’m just paranoid. I dont know but that isnt important.

So that was the lesson of the year. just kidding.

Went parasailing last weekend. It was fun. Stress over. Start of something new.

As for this year, what shall my new years resolution be? What am i gonna achieve this year?

  • I want to get good grades.
  • I want to meet new people.
  • I want to go to the Avenged Sevenfold concert!!!
  • I want to make my mum proud again.
  • And lastly, i want this year to be different than any other year. I want this year to be special. Only problem is, i dont know how….

That’s pretty much it. I dont have muche expectation this year. I may have a list of things i wish to do/happen this year but i have doubts.


PS sorry if i kinda drift apart from the main topic! I hope 2015 has been a good year to you so far. 🙂

I just want to be happy.

Why is it so hard for me to be happy?

Do you ever just struggle and endure a long process because eventually you know you’ll get a reward and you’ve thought of ways to pamper yourself and make yourself feel happy but then someone else decides to take your reward or get all the credit? Well that’s the situation i’m in right now. 

I’ve waited four years so that i could meet new people in a different school , perhaps meet a guy at college because i’ve never really dated anyone since the last relationship which didnt end well but i’m having doubts now, i’m afraid my results wouldn’t be good enough to get into college. There goes my opportunity to meet new people and start socialising. Waiting for four years was not pleasant at all. I was lonely, i didn’t have anyone to turn to, i became anti-social and shy, i didnt feel good about myself at all. It was torture for myself but i never gave up. I kept myself motivated and thought “All this crap will end and eventually i will be okay. It’s going to be alright. It will be worth it.” But now i don’t know what to think anymore. My results are definitely going down the drain and i’m never going to be good enough for anyone. Not that i intend to be but tell me who doesnt wish to be perfect for someone – vice versa? 

I also worked day and night during school break and worked hard for some extra money for myself. So that i can spend some time trying to make me feel good about myself like perhaps go for a spa, a massage, shopping and of course the Avenged Sevenfold concert coming up (i was extremely sad i couldnt go to the concert last two years so i promised to go to the next concert but…). But i decided to send mom home from work since i’ve collected my salary, i decided why don’t i send her home in a cab? And so i did. When i get back home, everything was alright. And by alright i meant, mom and my elder brother was teaching my younger brother how to do some math sums, dad watching documentaries and me in my room just reading a book (Girl Online – Zoe Sugg. GET IT.) It was all going fine, i was going to get the concert tickets and this Sunday i had a day out, i’m going shopping with my best friend and plus, i have bills to pay. I’m 17 (this year) and yes i pay my own bills. So i had to reserve at least 300 for my own needs. Then my mom knew i had money, she then asks me to pay her bills. It’s not that i’m not okay with it, i’m cool with it totally! But why did it have to be now? I was dying to go for that concert for ages and i have a girls day out with my best friend which we have been planning since last year! Why must it be now? Now i have to cancel my plan this Sunday and maybe not go for the concert.

Can’t a girl just enjoy herself?

What’s worser is knowing i’ve had a rough week and i have no one to turn to, no one cares about what i feel apparently and i cannot do anything to make myself happy. It sucks knowing that all i have is this blog. This is the only way i can share my thoughts. If you could just hear me out…



Hi bloggers! 

I’ve always been the kind of girl who never had many friends. I’m average and i keep to myself a lot. I have a best friend, except now i don’t think she likes hearing about my life as i always have something to say and it’s usually not pleasant. I thought well, she never shares her everyday life with me so i figured why not start a blog? 

I could use some advice and opinions and since i always keep to myself, i thought it would make me feel a lot at ease if i actually share what i think. It doesnt feel good keeping to myself and being quiet about my ups and downs. All my (bad) feelings are always pushed aside and kept in an imaginary bottle and a bottle has a capacity-a limited amount of thought could be kept. My bottle explodes once in awhile and everything pours out. At random timings and i feel a mixed feelings of emotions. It makes me cry a lot, i have to admit and no it does not feel good. 

Would it be a good idea if i blogged about my feelings and thoughts? Would people give me advice and opinions? It would be nice to know. 

xo, ainf.

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